Believe it or not, after eons of time of being a scardy cat, I decided to face my greatest fear-the fear of flying. I cannot recall when I started not taking the plane whenever I travel. All I know is that whenever I think about traveling by air, I grow anxious and start to sweat a lot. My doctor says my fear may have been rooted to a traumatizing event during my childhood. If it is then I have no recollection of it. All I can remember is that whenever my mom mentions about going away for a vacation, I start to think about a plane crashing, hijacking, or a lightning strike. No matter how many times they convince me that air travel is safe, I never budge. So the whole family has to travel by car instead.
What made me decide to follow my family's and friends' advice about facing my fear? I realize that my fear has been controlling my life and I want to change that. It was a difficult decision. But I know it was something that I should have done a long time ago. Years and months of visiting the shrink has finally paid off. Three days ago, I stepped inside the airport terminal for the first time. I know I was sweating a lot. My heart was beating fast and I felt like I am having a heart attack except that my heart was perfectly fine until I was inside the terminal. I could have accepted my best friends offer to accompany me but I bravely declined. I need to do this alone. I knew I was attracting the attention of other passengers including the little girl who was playing with her father while waiting for our evening flight to be called. It was embarrassing to be seen like that. So I pulled my self together and tried to remember all the tips my friends and family gave me. I started to relax and began breathing normally again I got even more anxious and jittery when we piled up to board the plane. I cannot think of anything but a plane crashing and I wanted to run. When I looked at the little girl who was unafraid I realize how shameful I am. I closed my eyes, breathe deep and began thinking of happy thoughts. I opened my eyes when I felt that the plane was moving along the well-lit runway and realized how beautiful the city looks at night with its architectural lighting designed buildings and a phalanx of gooseneck shaped street lights, floodlights, landscape lights, garden lights and all lighting fixtures which are proudly illuminating the night. I appreciated city lights more when we were already up in the sky.
If I haven't made a step in conquering my greatest fear I am probably a coward still. I know that this is not the only fear I need to face. But I am braver now.
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